1. Toby Buckland tweet-removed not long after being posted…“It’s true... Carol and I have a love hate relationship. She hates me and loves herself”. I thought they were getting on after working together on Todmorden special when they made a rare appearance together on Gardeners’ World a fortnight ago. Apparently not. Maybe it's a joke.

2. Carol Klein’s dad drove an Austin Atlantic. “He loved fast cars.” Apparently CK and her mum would pretend to need to ‘spend a penny’ so they could get out and see some flowers.

3. Gardeners’ World 20 August:

“Vegetable gardener Sarah Wain, from West Dean gardens in Sussex, visits the trial grounds at RHS Wisley and gives us her recommendations for the top performing veg to grow in our gardens and allotments next year.” The same veg trials the RHS have halved in 2010 and halved again in 2011 to leave veg trial committee members fuming.

Why believe the PR rather than what is really happening? Would this happen anywhere else but in gardening?

4. One Show rang to ask what unusual fruit is getting grown. I suggested watermelon. RHS have trialled it at Wisley. Look out for that one on BBC.

We were in DT the other day with the interview with Mark Pearson from Natural History Museum, saying teachers are scared of creepy crawlies so they teach science badly. Gavin McEwan wrote it –he’s on paternity leave after becoming a father to Isla last week!

Christine Walkden visited Jilly Cooper for the One Show. Cooper’s dog William got amorous with CW’s dog Willow, a choc lab.

5. Grow Your Own is over? Heat has gone out of the market this year. Predicted 20 per cent rises were more like 5 per cent. And my local allotment best produce competition has been cancelled because of cost and time involved. Which proves it’s over.

6. Sacred cows:

Anne Wareham tweeted that Ursula Buchan wanted someone to have a go at BC. AW was joking.

UB wrote in the Spectator that BC was great "because of her warmth of personality, generous spirit, concern for others, and exceptional talents as a gardener".

U Buchan’s hagiography in Spectator suggests that only the most unpleasant type would criticise BC. Well, that’s me! Well, not exactly. My point would be to blindly praise someone ignores all critical faculties and means no one ever gets any better at anything. All critical theory out of the window when it comes to gardening, as usual. Rachel de Thame did another (rather sweet) hagiography of BC on ITV Country Tracks last week. Is BC a saint? Can we regain our critical faculties?

7. Quote of the week:

"Please note that I do not write nice things about other people’s gardens, nor do I Tweet or blog about cats..."

8. Ban fishing-I was at Cannon Hill pond in S. London the other day and coots and ducks had mangled feet from fishing wire. They wouldn’t come near our side of the bank because of fear of anglers, even though we had some lovely bread for them. So, ban fishing. Simple as that.

9. Why do Moro and Leon always get plugged in almost every food article you read? I’ve been to both and they have terrible service and often bad food. It’s because the owners are mates with the reviewers. And why does Nigel Slater only eat ‘supper’? I’d like Green Cookbook from Madison Brown if anyone wants to buy it for me.

 

10. Greenfingers film with Clive Owen was replayed last week. What an awful film. It showed some prisoners designing a garden for RHS Hampton Court. All the characters were wooden and unbelievable. They looked embarrassed to be doing it, except Owne, who can’t do embarrassed (or any other emotion either). The only believable character was the OTT gardening TV presenter Georgina Woodhouse, hammed by Helen Mirren. Who was she meant to be?

11. Buckingham Palace was due to have a new garden centre according to my sources, mentioned here a few months ago. But I got it wrong. It was a new garden café, complete with coat of arms coffee.

12. Evening Standard cover line about Alexa Chung and Kate Nash living in Shoreditch or wherever. Turns out they do. But they don’t want to tell ES about it. So ES has to cobble together a few googled lines on their link to the area.

13. Are there any chefs that don’t grow their own these days? I went to a country resto with rooms the other day. The chef foraged and provided food from his allotment. Metro provided chef Simon Rogan’s organic veg gardening tips the other day. Such as grow your veg in a sunny spot, use organic matter, dig, weed, “think about when the crops will be ready to harvest and what you are going to do with them”.

14. Met Veteran Evening Standard design hack Barbara Chandler at an Ikea event at Barbican last week. She was quite stately and pleasant. But exasperated by hideousness of ES Homes & Property set-up.

 

1. Plague of wasps-got stung on Sunday. Come Tuesday there is a story out there...

2. This was in Mail from us this week about toxic caterpillars at Kew.

3. I saw a review by Lia Leendertz in Gardens Illustrated of Graham Clarke’s guide to organic herbs book. She criticised his editor for including a worthy history of organic herbs at the beginning. GC is former HW editor and writes several books a year, often without his name on them in big letters. He was quite different to his martinet predecessor the late Pete Weston, who LL worked under for a while. If you were to have a go at GC, it could be about writing books to order. But if you don't know who he is, you can't.

4. I see National Garden Scheme don’t think Lia Leendertz’s Bristol garden is worthy of opening for the charity. I’ve never seen it and wouldn’t know either way, anyway. What worries me is that no-one can say the scheme's parameters are wrong, or if the garden has faults. All the people who commented (usual suspects-Diacono, Alexander-Sinclair, etc etc) just say ‘there, there Lia’ in the comments on her blog. This is poor. Is the NGS vetting any good? Is LL’s garden any good? You’ll never know if you read the garden bloggers.

5. James Wong profiled Butterfly World Trust at St Albans on BBC Countryfile last Sunday. But he didn’t mention the gardens apart from saying Ivan Hicks had designed them all. That would surprise Andy Sturgeon, Tony Heywood, Peter Thomas, Hugo Bugg and eight more who designed Future Gardens last year. Some of these people are waiting for a bit of payment. Thomas has had his garden removed, to his chagrin. This year’s event was cancelled because of lack of numbers. I wonder why none of this was mentioned by JW, who, after all, is a gardener and not a lepidopdrist.

6. Spotted: John Sessions at the windmill on Wimbledon common, looking grey and crumpled, and again the next day near his flat in Wimbledon.

In Hammersmith, Melanie Hill, who replaced the late Gilly Coman as Avril in Bread.

Richard Herring, watching me play tennis in Hammersmith.

Steve Brookstein –winner of first series X Factor in Wimbledon shopping centre carrying his Boots bag.

Fourth division Esther Rantzen-alike Alice Beer in Starbucks Hammersmith with mum’s group, taking over conversation.

Jamie Afro on Putney high street, wearing reflector aviatiors and tramp trousers, carrying his Sainsbury bag.

6. I was entertained to see Garden News is doing the “told GN” bit after every quote they get. A lead story about heritage plants features a long quote from Alan Titchmarsh. But it does not say “told GN”. That’s because the quote is lifted from HW.

7. I hear those involved at a recent charity cricket match between Gardeners’ World and River Cottage ratified an agreement for garden writing and broadcasting in the 21^st century thrashed out over four days at Malvern Flower show this spring. The agreement set out the hints and tips to be offered to gardeners over the next year and set out firm guidelines on standardised blogging subjects. The committee elected a chair, president, secretary and council, as well as sub-committees for shows, finance and standardisation. After a three-month husting, the group decided to narrow down the all-important name issue to ‘a bore of gardening bloggers’, ‘a backslap of boring gardening bloggers’ or ‘a clique of backslapping boring gardening bloggers.’

Anyway, here’s my cricket/gardening XIs:

Joe Root (Yorkshire)

Matthew Wood (Notts)

Grant Flower (Zimbabwe -captain)

Andy Flower (Zimbabwe)

John Birch (Notts)

Charlie Oakes (Sussex)

James Lillywhite (Sussex)

John Lillywhite (Sussex)

George Beet (wk Derbyshire)

Graham Onions (Durham)

Huw Waters (Glamorgan)

12^th man Frank Lawn-Mower (Cumberland)

Bernard Hedges (Glamorgan)

Allan Border (Australia-captain)

Dan Birch (Derbyshire)

Basil D’Oliveira (Worcestershire)

Ivor Gardiner (Western Province)

Franklyn Rose (West Indies)

James (hose) Pipe (wk Derbyshire)

Fred Bush (Surrey)

Paul Allott(ment) (Lancs)

David Ash (Yorkshire)

Arthur (great granddad) Appleby (Lancashire)

12^th man Tony Leaf-Blower (Surrey)

8. In the latest Gardens Illustrated I came across ‘design news’, nice pics and caps of projects/products by Annie Gatti. I once wrote real garden design news for AGatti for Garden Design Journal. Jackie Bennett took over and quickly replaced me with someone who wrote… caps from PR of projects/products.

 

9. I see urban hunters are torturing foxes to death. This is because the media and public believed a story about two kids getting bitten by foxes earlier this summer. Squirrels have been in the news after someone was prosecuted for drowning one. I guess they got the idea for this from Lawnmowerman on my recent Guardian blog.

I see otters have been blamed for eating garden pond koi carp. They will be next for the gardeners’ hitlist, mark my words. Yet, gardeners see themselves a wildlife-friendly. Is there any animal they will not kill?

 

10. Quote of the week:

"But I have to say I agree with you and if there is one thing I wish I could do it would be to stamp out philately...no...I mean snobbery and cliquism in gardening. If you're not 'in' the 'in'-crowd, then you might just as well become a straw-sucking hermit on one of the Shetland Isles, for your gardening opinion matters not at all."

  

11. At Thompson & Morgan press day, the new Gerbena was described as the Bill and Ben flower by hacks. Helen Yemm was at T&M press day. She came over to me and an associate saying she didn’t know anyone there. I first went to T&M press day seven years ago. Roy Lancaster introduced himself on the bus and I shared a taxi with Robin Lane-Fox. This year no RL but shared car back to station with RLF who was much less snobbish than his FT column makes him appear. Kind of a high-end Seabrook. Says 40 years of his stuff is about showing growing plants and how it goes wrong. Bringing out book of columns etc and doing TV history film etc

 

12. Gardeners’ World viewing figures are at an historic low, which seems a shame. The weather is to blame, as well as the Proms according to the BBC.

 

Been asked to talk about this blog at HTA event on 30 September in Gloucestershire at Gables Hotel. Contact HTA for details. They asked what my fee is and asked me to do three-quarters of an hour. Maybe a speaking career awaits.

Story of the week (Amateur Gardening)-Christian Jessen has an embarrassingly small...garden. Dr Jessen is like Ben Fogle, only he can read a script and has some qualifications.

1. This about palm trees growing on Scottish beaches after Dobbies garden centres has sold them (or something) was in papers (Mail, Express) Staycation. Girl on beach. Kids on beach. Ticked lots of boxes. Palm sales up 69 per cent. Quiet times in papers too. Boy shall have new shoes.

2. Best Tatton story came at Garden Centre Group (GCG) at nearby Bridgemere lunch when a Women's Institute lady told me they were not exhibiting this year because RHS said they had to pay rather than getting a free stand. Turned out the WI applied late so couldn’t have a free space cos the free ones were all full. Oh well.

3. And GCG turned down Tatton Bridgemere exhibit in favour of doing up gardens at the garden centre. They also wanted to promote the GCG gardening club there but RHS were not keen.

4. At GCG, Edinburgh Woollen Mill and Cotton Traders were among guests, along with Keith McIntyre from First Franchise. Nicholas Marshall talked about the one third/one third/one third ratio where garden centres' income comes from one-third hort, one third food and one third franchise stuff. But EWM at Bridgemere in a marquee. EWM is being saved at Syon Park, where office space is being created from old franchise space.

5. Young gardeners competition entrants at Tatton were concerned about the announcement of the winner being left until Wednesday, when Elizabeth Banks and the media trip from RHS was coming, along with cameras. They didn’t want to be shown as losers on TV. That media trip not coming on press day but waiting until the day after with the designer announcement delayed until then was a bit odd. One hack gave us a tip that one of the judges of the young designer comp had been removed after a complaint about possible bias.

6. Future Gardens was discussed by young gardener entrant Hugo Bugg and also Tony Heywood. Both critical of promotion of unsuccessful avant gardener event, which suffered poor visitor numbers. Yet many garden hacks wrote uncritically of it. Do the readers take any notice of these hacks' recommendations? Former Society of Garden Designers president Peter Thomas has had his garden removed from the 12 original gardens and others have been changed. They will all go next year I hear. Is this the end of an independent avant garde show? The RHS seems to have the area covered at Hampton Court/Tatton.

7. RHS wouldn’t tell me who had won the young designer of the year to meet our deadline after initially saying they would. I said we’d put Bugg anyway cos it was obviously going to be him because of his track record/experience/skills. BBC coverage, Joe Swift: “It was a very close-run thing”. Bugg won gold and best in show. William Quarmby and Olivia Stewart won silver gilt. So not a close-run thing then.

8. Failed to read up on young gardeners before talking to them. Asked Bugg how it would feel to do Chelsea garden if he won. He told me winner only gets to shadow Laurent Perrier garden designer 2011. He wants to do his own. Reading RHS website could have told me that. Still, a bit of a problem at Chelsea next year. Bugg will get a garden sponsor and his prize will go unused.

9. Local Mayor told me Cheshire East council, relatively newly formed, not keen on part bankrolling Tatton.

11. Led up garden path.

1. I see Evening Standard hack David Sexton has written a piece slagging off TV gardening. He mentions new RHS prez Elizabeth Banks having a pop at BBC Chelsea coverage. He doesn’t know that EB told Toby Buckland she never watches Gardeners’ World. Most industry people boast that they don’t. Buckland tweeted about it. Sexton’s piece is superficial and out of date, going on about Top Gear-ing of GW, which was years ago.

2. But: BBC Hampton Court coverage: Joe Swift’s Shakespeare poetry-how did this get from the back of beermat stage onto TV? Rachel de Thame-‘the Falmouth garden is interesting’-but she didn’t mention Matt James’ course is closing down-just examples.

That’s the problem with this stuff-the complete lack of any critical faculties. That’s why it treats the audience as dumb. Every garden is beautiful, wonderful etc. Swift said it was ok that only one show garden got gold because you can’t just add more each year. Not great analysis. Alys Fowler got the Bangladeshi and Shaky allotments-a nice piece. Needed to know why no-one grows skirrets etc anymore and prefer modern cultivars-because they have poor yields? Modern cultivars better? What are those modern cultivars? And two middle class white types (AF and Bangladesh garden designer) discussing how wonderful it is for the Bangladeshis have the chance to grow their veg?

3. Talking of which-a good debate at Amateur Gardening on whether Alys is too middle class.

4. Where was Terry Wogan at Hampton Court? His wife turned up to launch a rose called ‘Rambling old whimsy’ or something named after him. But Wogan didn't.

5. Team England rose named after the football flops-“a surefire winner” says R de Thame. “We’ve not sold any”-Peter Beales Roses.

6. Parks-Boris Johnson runs the green space Parliament Square, which looks like a Calais refugee camp at the mo. He wants to run the Royal Parks. Someone suggested he should also run Corporation of London’s green spaces-eg Epping Forest, Burnham Beeches. Maybe Corporation of London should run the Royal Parks?

7. Combine being intolerant of animals with calling readers ‘dear/deer reader’. 'Step forward' Helen Yemm.

8. I’ve asked Joanna Fortnam for my old job back at the Telegraph now she has taken over the gardening. No definitive response yet…

9. Annie Gatti, Helen Yemm, Carrie Donald-on the RHS press trip to Tatton. I’m going under own steam. Was going to put 'then' then but decided was not correct coirse of action.

10. Go squirrel hunting with National Trust at. Borthwood Copse, Isle of Wight.

Brownsea Island in Poole Harbour, Dorset.

Formby, Lancashire coast.

Mount Stewart, County Down, Northern Ireland.

Wallington, Northumberland. Watch out for B&Q customer Raoul Moat around here, though apparently there’s a reward in place for his capture. If not claimed this week it will be a double raoulover.

11. Glos police have swooped on a gardener’s house thinking he was growing cannabis. They found three tomato plants. Many ex-dope growers learnt how to grow by growing weed. They know more than the average gardener about propagation, make/female plants, cropping, hydroponics, heating and cropping. Maybe there are lessons to be learnt here about appealing to this sector.

12. The magazine of UK supermarket Waitrose waxed lyrical in its June issue about wood-burning ovens, which "can be used to create everything from pizza and roast pork to bread and fish".

Nick Ingrams, however, is underwhelmed. "Stopping merely at creating fish isn't really pushing the boundaries all that much," he suggests. He indicates that he would take more notice if the ovens could create "a herd of bison, perhaps".

13. Been writing about drought. United Utilities rep, Liverpool accent: Boulger, Jamie.

14. My friend Beryl Bainbridge died the other day. We once had dinner at Fish in Borough Market. Beryl drank a lot of whisky and smoked a lot. She did not want to be remembered for this.

Blog fans. Rosie Atkins, Vivian Russell.

At the Hampton Court Palace Flower Show president’s lunch star guest was Evgeny Lebedev, Russian Evening Standard oligarch son of, who lives in nearby Park Stud House. He didn’t bring ginger spice or Joely Richardson. Wore shades and tidy beard. Earl of Onslow was there. He’s been on Have I Got News for You. Good old boy. Countess of Wessex had to rush off. She was covering for Princess Alice. Met Sophie in Bracknell once. Very pleasant person. Dowager Marchioness of Salisbury wore a fine hat. Sir Roy Strong a diamond earring. Wolfgang Bopp wore jeans. Asked Lord Heseltine about economy-we’re all in same boat, I’m told. Jules Hudson was there-a TV property type. So I wasn’t the lowliest.

1. Met Bill Turnbull at Hampton Court. He was much nicer than on TV. One person said BT had done the worst thing they’d ever known a broadcaster do. They would not elaborate.

2. Met Vivian Russell at HC. She said she had wanted to meet me for a while. VR is a Cumbrian legend. Photographer and writer. She recently moved to the to coast of Cumbria from Borrowdale. She took this pic. Funny feet. Also took pics for H court book by Todd Longstaffe-Gowan.. Her former husband Ken shocked Keswick by saying it was full of docs and dentists that wife-swapped in the 1980s - that amused me in my teens.

3. Found out who had won best in show at 2pm. Tried not to tell too many people by 4pm announcement. Someone said the winner looked like a hotel garden. Bit unfair. Pansy Project also won gold for conceptual garden, that combined art and gardens well. Interviewed them with microphone hair and torn suit and hangover at 9pm. Also spoke to Andrew Wilson about garden/art/gimmickry crossover. Am still writing that one.

4. Was keen to talk to Elizabeth Banks about her new role as RHS president. Wait until in post etc. Last year RHS gave first president (Giles Coode Adams) iv to Times-no scoops. This year, Sunday Times got EB first. Makes sense I suppose for RHS press office. They even got a good story out of it with EB having a pop at BBC dumbing down Chelsea. They being the paper and not the RHS.

5. Religious connections - former Garden News editor/publisher Neil Pope is writing news while former AG editor/publisher Adrian Bishop is writing readers' gardens. So Garden News has both a Pope and a Bishop. Also, Brian Christonabike is subeditor. And Jen Isis is secretary.

6. Some Garden Centre Group/Wyevale managers are getting staff to log on their e-learning scheme and log off again to make their centres look better.

7. Did this   Why is there always a pic of someone smelling a sunflower in papers from flower shows? Hayley Monckton was pictured in paper doing the same.

8. George Hillier is assistant manager at Dobbies garden centre, Shepton Mallet. Met him at Hct-nice bloke.

9. Stars-Steve Rider (available for work ‘this arfternoon’ was his catchphrase), Vince Cable being harangued at Twickers station. Billie Jean King hobbling and eating burger and chips in a shiny tracksuit in the Swan, Wimbledon. Put the Michael Jackson tribute on jukebox in tribute. John Lloyd also. No song though. Christian Jessen-like Fogle but better.

10. Liked this surpisingly.

11. It’s not official. But it was definitely a dog. Someone at the hospital told someone I know. You know what I’m on about.

12. David Domoney is doing a fashion show at the CLA game fair called doggy style.

13. If my 16 month old can’t get into Hampton Court how can Jack Dunckley and that other kid (pictured)?

14. pictures…

This is a new programme called the Munsters do a TV quiz. Not really! Kris Collins, Martyn Cox, me,Gavin McEwan and Jack Shamash did BBC2's Eggheads.

1. Went to Hampton Court Flower Show the other day. Couldn't get in because had the boy with me-no under 16s on build-up days. Did a nice Lego story you may see in papers. My garden idea also failed to get in. It was for a wildlife-friendly garden to attract foxes, badgers and squirrels. Somewhere for the fox to bask, the squirrel to climb and the badger to nuzzle. Despite Nick Clegg saying he wants to get rid of laws saying you have to report grey squirrels in your garden, wildlife -friendly gardens aren't really that popular in the current climate. Not that any gardeners did report their squirrels. They just trapped them.

2. Went to RHS Hampton Court launch at Gary Rhodes’ resto near Marble Arch the other day. Met two real horticulture types, Barry Locke, head gardener at Shakespeare Birthplace Trust and Jon Wheatley, who is building the half acre home grown feature at Hampton Court. Most of the hacks there were called Camilla. There was three chefs there but no food except the odd croissant that I put in my pocket.

3. I like Tom Turner’s gardening blog. He was at University of Greenwich landscape architecture show the other day. Peter Wilder gave a talk that seemed to dismiss landscape architects work up to this point as 'decorative', causing some consternation in the crowd. Good people there and well organised by student committee including Amber Wells who asked me. Dan Pearson was stuck in traffic and didn’t show to make his speech. Lots of people supplying Olympics there, some yet to announce formally. John Hopkins there too.

4. Went to Metropolitan Public Gardens Association event the same day-a contrast in its more old schoolness. Mark Lane from Buckingham Palace invited me. Lord Birkett is president.

5. Giles Coren said in Times the other day that food bloggers always use loads of pics but they look rubbish, like a café with pics of its grub in the window. Garden bloggers always use loads of pics and they look ok. It’s just the writing that sucks. And why do they all like cats so much?

6. Talking of Times, countryside/consumer editor Val Elliott is being made redundant. This is a shame as she writes well about gardening. Enviro editor Ben Webster has no interest. VE is not being replaced.

7. In Telegraph I was amused to see a turf story saying grass has gone brown. It then went though old HW stories ending up with Geoff Dixon’s piece published in HW last year and picked up by DT shortly after. DT readers love negative lawn stories.

8. Ursula Buchan: “This fair country of ours.” RHS mag. Beats: “you, dear reader.” Just.

9. “We’re being held hostage by foxes living in our garden” Evening Standard headline 28 June. Wimbledon lawyer says foxes in her garden mean she can’t go out. If you go out they will go away-that’s what I’d say. And if they don’t, then watch their lovely ways.

10. Butlins are holding a load of gigs. Kim Wilde headlines at Minehead on 5-8 November. The holiday camps are cashing in on the nu-folk boom at Skegness from 3 December with a bill that includes Kate Rusby, the Dylan Project, Sandi Thom and, er, Richard Digance. Is this too ironic for me? My colleague For Folk’s sake founder Lynn Roberts should have a word.

11. Monty Don mourned the loss of Mastercrafts and Dream farm at the Hay festival recently. He said MC is not going to be repeated or renewed and Dream farm will be “done without me”.

12. Alan Titchmarsh afternoon show attracted 301 complaints this year. He caused controversy in an item on sex toys. And one on violence in video games. Really.

13. Charles Spencer (pure theatrical Viagra man) filled a page in the Daily Telegraph with a visit to Kew recently. He said the tree top walkway was new *(was in 2008) and that Kew costs too much. And the lift doesn’t work. Thanks for those insights.

14. Sean Bean would like to be a landscape gardener if he was not an actor. Saw him in Coach once with a young actress. Prob his wife.

15. Nicholas Marshall, James Barnes and Ed Conroy go woodcock shooting in Ireland.

16. I’ve invented another food to go with my Boozli ™, the healthy breakfast that gets you drunk. It’s crappacino, a soya and instant coffee frappe mixed in a jam jar and ideal for festivals. You pay a deposit on the jam jar. V refreshing.

17. Talking of festivals, Alys Fowler is appearing at Jimmy’s (ie Jimmy Docherty-Jamei Oliver’s farmer mate) festival in East Anglia in September. This is the first time a TV gardener will appear at a festival of this nature. AF is fourth on the bill. Top is Hairy Bikers and Newton Faulkner. River Cottage have done festivals before, but that’s more food innit.

18. Blind item:

Who stipulates no hard questions if they are to do an interview?

19. Spotted: Janet Ellis in Hammersmith. Also Richard Herring-looked like a wino.

20. Students from the Welsh School of Architecture will construct “Nomadic Allotments” for Borough Market and the Bankside community from reclaimed materials such as pallets and packaging provided onsite by Borough Market, offering a variety of growing, eating and seating areas for market-goers, local visitors and residents alike, during the Borough Market’s pop up Food Exchange.

1. The story of the week.

Innocent animals are not garden pests. See it at Horticulture Week, Amateur Gardening, the Guardian, Gardens Monthly. But not in the papers, because they are anti foxes. As are you, probably. This story isn’t about Bunny Guinness btw. It’s about almost all gardeners. You all have blood on your hands.

2. RHS director general last three: Colin Buttery, Stephen Bennett, Sue Biggs. Sue Biggs got the job. Someone asked me if she had a nickname, like Inga Grimsey’s the Grim Reaper. Maybe Ronnie? Or the travel agent? This is pretty cool too, about Olympic basketball arena moving to centenary Chelsea Flower Show 2013 . Why is it not in the papers?

3. Quote of week: “Sorry-I can’t tell u which plant we gave to the Queen-we’re not allowed.”

4. Blind items: Which garden tv type has unrequited for which garden hack? Which gardening writer has pitched the unwanted idea that he’ll put his (fictional) millions into which garden mag? Which RHS fave opened the first Glastonbury with her prog rock band? Ok, that was Jekka McVicar. Which porn-alike of which garden celeb is doing the rounds?

5. Oops. Several gardening hacks used this product on their patches, killing everything. But they can’t write about it because they’ll lose the advertising.

“In February we sent to you a courtesy hamper of samples. I am contacting you now, purely as a precautionary measure, about the one litre ready-to-use spray that was included as part of that hamper. One small batch of this product has been collected by sales staff from the retailers who received it because it does not fully meet specification.  There is an outside chance that the sample in your hamper may be from this batch. Please do not use it and a replacement sample will be forwarded to you within the next few days.”

6. BBC Gardeners' World presenter Toby Buckland is joining the Amateur Gardening team replacing Alys Fowler. AF is off to the Guardian, who rejected her five years ago. TV appearances must have helped. Tobes will be “sharing tales from his home garden and allotment in Devon.” He was AG's Grow, Cook and Eat writer before leaving in autumn 2008 to present Gardeners' World and write mag stuff for GW. They usually only write for GW when lead presenter of GW I thought.

AG has had a long history of influential Gardeners' World presenters writing for the magazine including Percy Thrower, Peter Seabrook, Stefan Buczacki, Arthur Billitt, Alan Titchmarsh and Monty Don.

7. Alex Brummer –Mail

“When online shopping became the rage, it chose to service customers from local stores, rather than distant warehouses, maintaining a crucial relationship with the customer. It conquered rural areas by buying into Wyevale garden centres, transforming the whole nursery experience.”

He means Dobbies.

8. Garden News Jamie Oliver iv quote: ‘I’m a big fan of cress.’

Also, children’s soc-he only backed the Chelsea garden when they decided to use his new Jamie Oliver-branded oven I’m told.

9. Time Out’s new book Great Trees of London. Tree number one, the Berkeley Square plane-Britain’s most valuable tree. There’s a tale behind this one. The Cavat system valuing trees came out and I took a pic of the biggest tree in the poshest public place I could find. Hence, the tree is now always quoted as UK’s most valuable. At £750,000. Seen this in Times, BBc etc etc. Good to be seen as an authority.

10. Alys Fowler was on BBC Radio 4 the other day doing half an hour on skips. Skipology. Someone once dumped a glass-boxed crayfish in our front garden, which we were using as a skip at the time. But finding valuable stuff in skips-a myth, unless you can make crafts from chaff.

11. Didn’t go to Garden History Soc annual garden party at Geffrye Museum. Wasn’t invited as usual to this gardening social highlight but usually crash it. Rained and was not in the mood however. Also, couldn’t face the ‘he might write it down’-style comments.

12. It was Julien Macdonald not Matthew Williamson I saw at Malaysia Chelsea event. Got my designers mixed up. Saw Paloma Faith in the Coach and Horses the other day. And the Queen, Duke of Devonshire and Andrew Parker-Bowles at Capel Manor.

13. Garden & Gun-UK southern states lifestyle mag. Maybe gap in UK market?

14. Award-winning gardening expert and TV presenter Chris Beardshaw, fresh from the internationally renowned Ellerslie flower show in New Zealand, has announced his membership and support as an ambassador to the gardening arm of the Grant’s After-Hours Club. A study commissioned by Grant’s Whisky, found that 18 per cent of men like to unwind with a spot of gardening. The poll found that four in 10 dads admit they struggle for some ‘He time’ because of all their other commitments such as long work hours or evenings spent ferrying the children around. Three quarters of those polled fall into the TBBBs (Too Busy with Ballet and Brownies) category and so would welcome etc…

15. Eggheads. Martyn Cox, Kris Collins, Jack Shamash, Gavin McEwan and me. We did horticulture proud. Three days earlier a garden celeb team turned up to do Celebrity Eggheads. James Alexander-Sinclair, Chris Collins, Toby Buckland, Aggie from Clean My Dirty House, and Craig Philips, the Scouse joiner from Big Brother 1. The Eggheads only knew who Philips was apparently. Sample question-what colour was the cat in David Hockney’s a Bigger Splash?

Answers below. They win a copy of Martyn Cox’s Wildlife Gardening. I have one left-got rid of one on carboot for 50p on Saturday, along with a load of wrongly forumated weedkiller.

1. Back from Chelsea. Met Jimmy Choo and Matthew Williamson at Tourism Malaysia launch at Royal Hospital. MW v white teeth. JC-pointy three-hole black shiny lace ups. Not too flashy. Malaysia garden designer James Wong was lovely. Jekka McVicar was involved too. She's been over the Malaysia. There was some confusion between Jekka and Gertrude Jekyll. She laughed at this but said I had a "sharp pen".

3. AT on BBC Chelsea coverage. Joe Swift: “You’ll see lots of stars here etc…including Alan!” AT: Not so much a star, more of a twinkle.” Amongst the no stone left unturned clichés-“Most prestigious…horticulture celeb…” Is it the same script every year? Great for the industry though.

4. Chelsea understandably doesn’t let kids in-too crowded. But GW researcher Claire Savage said she used to go as a child. Alys is in Italy on a gardening tour btw.

5. Daily Telegraph newsdesk called me re Andy Sturgeon, winner of Chelsea best show garden for his DT sponsored garden the other day. They ran this.

6. Readers Digest debut. A page on garden centres insider guide. Quite funny. Funnier than kids do the funniest things anyway. April edition, 1,001 things everyone should know, written by Linda Gray with my help…stuff like ‘I love the tea and pee crowd’, find a crusty-looking worker if you want advice, look out for labels in Dutch etc...

7. In The Sun this week too with romps in gardens piece, which we changed into the more businessy gardening spend tops £100 a year. Sun used the words romps, randy, frisky, ogled etc. Good tabloid fodder.

8. Expect this in papers over the weekend. Maybe. It's about the big 'debate' question at Chelsea.

10. Chelsea Flower Show was better than 2009 (the accepted view). Lots more golds, 12 against 3 in gardens. But can anyone ever say anything critical on the TV coverage? Can you say that a garden or plants is not the best? Or not be best of pals at all times with everyone? I note that the big issue raging with garden bloggers is about the gnomes question-the garden writing equivalent of local newspaper stories on dogshit.

11. Quite a few Chelsea gardeners wanted time-lapse filming. But none could afford the £10,000 bill.

12. Feedback from Garden Retail top 100 has been good. It’s aimed at being a talking point. Had messages from Andy Bunker, Nicholas Marshall, Dennis Espley, Gez Smith, Guy Moreton, John Connel, Jeff Morey (who wants to use idea for his US mag Nursery Retailer), Paul Wright, Ken Cox, Neville Stein, Mike Gilbert, David Arnold, Simon Chapman etc. Hope I didn’t miss anyone out. Like chair of Choice Marketing, or put anyone too low.

14. Duty log: 

“We went up to Glebe Cottage the other day. Lovely garden but she wouldn't let me use the loo…”

“My mum says John Terry complained to the retirement home next door where she lives and they had to take down two huge trees cos he said the roots were disturbing his garden!”

Particularly proud to still be the most viewed writer on the Daily Telegraph gardening website over the last year, including in the last month through their borrowing of my stories, even though they no longer employ me since that ignominious end in March. Glad to be part of their winning team at Chelsea!

Went to Chelsea Flower Show a few times over the last week. GYO out, biodiveristy in etc. It's all in the mag and online here. Off there again on Wednesday to see James Wong. Went to Petersham's Nurseries Murano glass after show party on Monday at Dover St market. Star guest was Jasper Conran. Short but pumped with aviators on inside.

1. Photographed Mark Gregory and Adam Frost in their trunks in their Children's Society garden plunge pool.

3. One or two garden hacks said only the younger designers would talk to the press. Is this an issue? Andy Sturgeon's Telegraph PR said he couldn't talk to one journalist for instance. Happily, everyone I wanted a quote from gave me one.

4. Talked to James Wong (plants hit by heat), Tom Stuart-Smith (he said Andy Sturgeon would win-Sturgeon was getting told off for not wearing his badge at the door), Ian Drummond (hot plants) Steve Dowbiggin (Capel Manor/John Woods garden being seen by Queen when it moves to the college), John Lord (John Woods plants not being allowed to be in best plant competition because were on David Domoney's garden at Ideal Home Show last month). And loads of others. Always a temptation just to talk to fellow writers at the events, which is nice but distracting. Fortunately most give me a wide berth.

5. Saw my allotment story (20 per cent more on waiting list) across all the papers on Sat. This was the same one they rejected several weeks ago. They waited for PR to come out. Telegraph ran it first time round-well done Harry Wallop.

6. Also saw Hessayon books being dropped by B&Q and replaced by Titchmarsh's similar titles story in Mail on Sunday. Mail rejected a few weeks ago. Umm.

7. Happy with the Chelsea stories we've got in to national consumer media. Some papers' previews were just our stories (cold Chelsea, Domoney diamonds, artificial turf, Jamie Oliver outdoor kitchen, hot Chelsea) strung together. RHS press office should employ us. Only one that we didn't do was Chelsea tickets selling for £200 on ebay-that was Marc Rosenberg.

8. A big story that will come up soon-gardeners killing animals. Not very biodiverse.

9. 150 toilets making gravel for Jamie Dunstan's Go Modern Urban garden-a story that could still leave me flushed with success. Will Lily Allen turn up to launch her, er, Lily. HW Hyde were hoping. She didn't. best celebs-Jamie Oliver and Stephen Hawking. Also Bill Bailey and the Queen. RHS press tent says no heavy petting on lists of what not to do. Best freebie a Nong Nooch botanic garden T shirt, Jekka McVicar herbs, that's about it. LK Bennett bag a couple of years ago. RHS press officers being suspiciously nice to me. At Chelsea lunch on Monday wa son table of BBC producers and Alan Titchmarsh's agent. Maybe RHS think I should audition. Talking of auditions, we've made it onto Eggheads-Martyn Cox, Gavin McEwan, Kris Collins and Jack Shamash.

10. Saw Val Elliott for Times-she said 50 hacks being made redundant.

11. Talked to Dougal Philip (shows advisory committee chair) and Lesley Watson from Scottish TV's Beechgrove Garden. They are showing a garden at Gardening Scotland in 10 days. I'll be up there. Another moving from Chelsea to Gardening Scotland is Amber Goudy's Scottish Agricultural College's Strutt and Parker Sustainable Highland Garden.

12. Was at Garden Show Ireland last Friday at Hillsborough Castle. Met up with Gardener's Question Time panel, Bunny Guinness, Chris Beardshaw, Bob Flowerdew and Eric Rosob, who were all really nice. Made me realise there's more to life than Chelsea and that garden criticism doesn't have much of a place at most shows and gardens.

Finally, the boy can walk.

RHS Chelsea Flower Show Special (the first of a few maybe). The RHS aren't having a pre-event drinks thing for hacks and exhibitors this year (unless I've not been invited!). This may annoy thirstier scribes. Last year's was at Jo Malone's. Before that it was at Bluebird and before that, Chelsea Physic Garden (in case you can't remember!).

I am going to Chelsea president's lunch though. What is correct procedure if a disgruntled hack who has been mildly teased in this column (or compared looks-wise to a celebrity, maybe from Broadway) pours a drink on your head?

Do you a. pour one back on them? b. Lash out? c. Remain demure? d. Cry? e. Say 'It's over, move on!' f. call security. g. Other.

Answers below please.

Anyway, here is a nice pic of the boy at the allotment. Speaking at Chelsea this week, Andrew Fisher-Tomlin said he gave up his at Wimbledon (plot not child)  when he found a boat buried on it.

1. Is Chelsea gonna be a green or colourful show? AFT says green. I agree. 

23 April Horticulture Week

RHS shows director Stephen Bennett said: "It has been a very severe late spring for growers. But I like late spring because it means very fresh-looking spring shows. I predict Chelsea will be a fresh green-looking show, less blousy and colourful than usual."

17 May Daily Telegraph: RHS shows director Stephen Bennet (sic): “It has been a very severe late spring for growers. But I like late spring because it means very fresh-looking spring shows. I predict Chelsea will be a fresh green-looking show, less blowsy (sic) and colourful than usual."

18 May: RHS PR to me: It will be colourful. RHS exhibitors. It will be green.

This year:

Tom Stuart-Smith evens

Philippa Pearson 16/1

10 funny/most embarrassing Chelsea Flower Show moments:

#Me being mistaken for Matthew Biggs

#Diarmuid Gavin falling out with Bunny Guinness

#Diarmuid Gavin falling out with Andy Sturgeon

#Ringo Starr announcing he won’t sign autographs because people just sell them on Ebay. The bloke opening a bagful of Beatles pictures looked very red.

#Not winning Garden Media Guild prize for best news story of 2009-about Chelsea hit by recession.

#Professor Steve Jones at Chelsea Flower Show lunch banging on about Darwin, saying the originator of the species-er used to write for Gardeners Chronicle, which is ‘now defunct probably’. Garden Centre Group’s Nicholas Marshall encouraged me to tell Jones afterwards that GChron is now Horticulture Week. I did. Jones grunted and turned away. Professors don’t like being told they’re wrong. Looking forward to meeting Prof Stephen Hawking this year.Our quiz team is called Stephen Hawking's Football Boots.

#Accidents (in a Laurel and Hardy way) Steam explosion at Chelsea a few years ago. No one hurt.

#Taking a group of European trade journalists round the show late on Saturday last year. They weren’t that impressed when I pointed out Ricky Gervais. Maybe he doesn’t translate. They were more worried that the RHS wouldn’t let me have any of the hundreds of guidebooks they were throwing away as the show drew to a close.

#Me to Gill Tierney-BBC gardening exec producer at CFS lunch: ‘Why aren’t there more gardening programmes on TV’. GT-‘They take a long time to make.’

Lookalikes.

1. Here’s a pic an associate sent me of the Malvern bloggers meet. I feel I may be being set up here. Bloggers may meet at Hampton Court and other shows.

2. I couldn’t go to Malvern unfortunately. The RHS could not guarantee my safety after I received a death threat from an angry garden blogger (really), who took offence at comment I made recently suggesting garden bloggers may not have a lot to say.

3. In fact, I was always going to go to Holker in Cumbria to see that garden. My colleague Jack Sidders ably covered Malvern.

4. Kung fu expert Martyn Cox said he will be my bodyguard at Chelsea Flower Show. Cox, Gavin McEwan, Jack Shamash. Jez Abbott and Kris Collins (away interviewing Bob Flowerdew, who apparently conditions his hair with sperm-his own I'm told) are part of a Horticulture Week team that auditioned for BBC quiz Eggheads this week. They asked me what I would take to a desert island to see if I could banter on telly. I said if there was a palm tree I’d take a rope to hang myself. That’s us failed the audition then.

 

5. Failed Luton MP wannabe, That’s Life’s Esther Rantzen has been writing a blog. "We finished the tour with strong cups of tea  in Luton Hoo hotel, admiring the brilliance of the August herbaceous borders. Another contrast, another world. But where once the Queen and Philip had their honeymoon, Lutonians now filled every armchair and sofa, sitting beneath vast tapestries and high windows, enjoying a mammoth tea."

7. Up and coming TV chef Johnnie Mountain rang me the other day to say he’s doing a programme with Christine Walkden. Free Rangers will be a BBC programme. You heard it here first. I suggested Garsons or Secretts as pick your own places to film at. Unusual to get a call from the star rather than researcher.

8. Alys Fowler’s Edible Garden programme is cult viewing. But I wish she wouldn’t go on about jams, soups, cheeses and breads. These words are all used the same as their singular form when there is more than one. I don’t like the phrases 'winter suppers' or 'winter months' either.

9. My colleague Magda Ibrahim moved to another Haymarket magazine this week. She told me Chris Young at RHS The Garden had been trying to headhunt her. Is this true?

10. All Black Justin Marshall has announced his retirement from rugby. I used to rewrite his column for the Christchurch Star. He’s a lot more fluent now when he’s on TV.

11. My colleague Jack Sidders broke the news of Caroline Spelman’s appointment at Defra this week, a bit of a coup for us. The Independent re-tweeted this. I spoke to Lord Heseltine about future green policy post-election. No coups from me though. I'm not exactly Paxman.

12. There was a Garden Media Guild meeting last week. I hear they are revising the winner of the news award from last year. Expecting the £250 prize in the post soon. Anne Wareham agrees on this one.

13. Passed RHS exams with a commendation the other day. Got 43.5. Don’t know what out of. I think 44. Others may suggest 100, or even 1000.

14. RB Sheridan: “Won’t you come into my garden I would like my roses to see you,” says Stephen Fry on QI.

15. Brian Strong-former head of parks, palaces and central services Directorate of Ancient Monuments and Historic Buildings [Department of the Environment] (DAMHB) said Seb Coe was once banned from running round Richmond Park for going too slow. His father and coach Peter followed in a car and blocked the traffic. Peter complained to the Royal Parks saying his son was running at 20mph. RP looked up the world record for 10,000m and found Seb said he was going faster than that pace. Ban stayed in place. Eggheads question-who was Falmouth MP 1994-97? Answer: Coe. I got this one right. I got wrong what does the 'c' stand for in scuba. Answers below if you want.

16. Coe story reminds me of playing tennis in Hammersmith at Brook Green courts. Warden comes to collect cash. Everyone says they don’t have any. Warden kicks them off. Wardens job: stop people playing tennis. No wonder Andy Murray etc. Once talked to Tony Hawks about this. He runs Tennis for Free campaign and coaches tennis near me.

17. Ed Stafford, the first man to walk the entire length of the Amazon River to raise awareness of climate change, is looking for a journalist to cover the last few weeks of his extraordinary journey. The 34-year-old from Leicester started his trek in April 2008 and is expected to finish in August this year. The ideal candidate will be an intrepid writer, with broadsheet or tabloid feature experience, who can secure a commission (and funds) to join Ed and share his day-to-day experiences. The trip will take place in August. For more information you can email Vikki Rimmer. Ed’s website . Vikki Rimmer is also PR to Tom Hart ***.

18.  This piece on volcanic dust and gardening said ash could be good for plots. Could be-but won’t be.

"Colin Dale, a horticulturalist at Notcutts garden centre, said ash is a good source of nutrients and repellent to pests. Professor Jon Davidson, of Durham University, said fertile areas like Indonesia have benefited from ash in the past.  But he added: "At the moment the amount of ash in the UK is so minimal I cannot see it being an issue," he said."

19. Was walking down the street the other afternoon pushing the boy when a be-wigged woman in her garden asked me if I had a strong grip. I said I’d have a go. She brought out a bottle of Pina Colada and I unscrewed lid off. ‘Was it difficult?’ she asked. ‘No’, I lied. ‘Now I can have a drink’, she said, and went inside.

20. I was down the allotment the other day. Nothing much happened. The only person there was in a digger, excavating an overgrown plot. The boy whined after a bit so I hoed one-handed with him in the other. The asparagus and onions are doing ok. And the potatoes and fruit bushes and fruit trees. Picked some asparagus and leeks. The boy ate soil. I will eat asparagus. It’s easy to grow. You get a ‘crown’ and bury it. Then you wait two years and cut off the ‘stalks’ and cook them and then eat them.

21. Monty Don won a Periodical Publications Association best columnist award in 2009 for Gardeners’ World columns. I went to a PPA event recently. There were several Smash Hits people there including PPA boss Barry McIlheney and Mark Ellen, as well as Eric Verdon Roe. McIlheney’s career has included editing Smash Hits from 1986 to 1989, founding lads' mag Zoo and launching Empire and Heat. Charles Reed is chairman.

Post Malvern-gate, here's my latest light-hearted insider guide to horticulture today.

Look-alikes snooker specials.

Adam Frost-Ronnie O'Sullivan, Viv Marsh-Willie Thorne

1. Bumped into Will Young at the launch of the Kew South Africa garden at the British Museum. He’s getting into gardening as he gets older and wants his Cornwall plot done up. The Pop Idol winner was in Starbucks across the road when Kew development unit head gardener Steve Ruddy introduced himself and invited Young over. I got a photo of his back.

Expect to see a football World Cup upsurge in interest in all things South African-including plants-this summer. Young will be at Chelsea Flower Show. Lily Allen is scheduled to turn up for ht launch of HW Hyde Lily ‘Lily Allen’. Prof Stephen Hawking should show for the Muscular Dystrophy garden.

Here are some of the celebrities that may be attending this year’s show. Maybe you can run a sweep on who you see or get photographed with or try and get work from. Or who is a lookalike.

_ Clive Anderson

_ Jane Asher

_ David Bellamy OBE

_ Floella Benjamin

_ Jennie Bond

_ Samantha Bond

_ Rosie Boycott

_ Fiona Bruce

_ Rob Brydon

_ Jim Carter

_ Judith Chalmers/Gloria Hunniford

_ Nicki Chapman

_ Chris Collins

_ Mackenzie Crook

_ Julian Fellowes

_ Sir Michael Gambon

_ Hannah Gordon

_ Richard E Grant

_ Sarah Greene

_ Jerry Hall

_ Susan Hampshire

_ Rolf Harris

_ Olivia Harrison

_ Wayne Hemingway

_ Anya Hindmarch

_ Amanda Holden

_ Lesley Joseph

_ Denis Lawson

_ Sir Roddy Llewellyn

_ Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen

_ Andrew Logan

_ Sir Trevor McDonald

_ Helen Mirren

_ Piers Morgan

_ Bruce Oldfield OBE

_ Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

_ Pete Postlethwaite/Paul Nixon

_ Anne Robinson

_ Sir Paul Smith

_ Alison Steadman

_ Juliet Stevenson

_ Vivienne Westwood

_ Jo Whiley

_ Will Young

2. I received this: “I am racked with curiosity over something I saw, while piloting my ancient Merc up the M5, on Monday morning. Pottering along in the inside lane, some rogue in a black, curvy, Beemer estate flew by. Nothing unusual about that except his (her?) number plate read 'Grobags' (GR08 AGS).

 Is it possible that some fiend from Westland / Bord na Mona / Fisons is brazen enough to want to advertise 'Grobags' on their shiny motor? If anyone can find out then I'm sure you, positioned as you are at the centre of the horticultural web of intrigue, are the man for the job.

Who is Grobags? John Ashley from Scotts I reckon.

3. Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre is a keen gardener. Former Evening Standard editor Veronica Wadley is too. Daily Telegraph editor Will Lewis is long-term mates with Kate Weinberg, who is now a Telegraph gardening columnist.  Sarah Brown-keen gardener and used pics of her in the 10 Downing St garden for electioneering. Gordon Brown and the Queen are not keen. David Cameron has been posing in his garden to try and get the crucial gardening vote. Kensington & Chelsea council planted some magnolias outside Dave’s Notting Hill house recently, perhaps anticipating lots of camera activity during the election. Ringo Starr likes gardening, as did fellow Beatle George Harrison, who had a tribute garden built for him at the 2008 RHS Chelsea Flower Show. Nick Clegg is what you do to annoy Heather Mills, who could also do a Chelsea Flower Show vegan garden, I hear.

4. I’m claiming success in the Cumbrian flood campaign to get United Utilities to lower Thirlmere and thus allow heavy rain to fill up the lake rather than people’s houses. I mentioned this to Defra minister Huw Irranca-Davies earlier this year, using the old ‘my parents got flooded out line’. Now United Utilities have eased their policy on having the lake full as poss (a good idea to have your resource topped up in case of future drought). I suspect Dale Campbell-Savours, former Allerdale MP, had more of an influence though. Parents move back in this week. Cricket pitch is ok. New football pitch had just been laid by White Horse Contractors. Had to be re-done. My Dad says he isn’t convinced that the water company will do as much as it can to stop flooding.

5. Wellington - New Zealand police arrested 250 people Tuesday in an operation to bust a nationwide cannabis growing and distribution industry allegedly hiding behind a chain of legitimate garden centres.

More than 700 charges were laid against employees, managers and directors of the companies and growers involved, including the gardening chain that has 16 branches throughout the country and a distribution centre.

Police Deputy Commissioner Rob Pope said more than 100 commercial cannabis growers linked to the businesses, which supplied them with hydroponic equipment used to grow the plants, had been identified during a two-year undercover operation.

He said undercover officers had bought equipment over the counter and were given advice on how to grow cannabis.

Police sources said that hydroponic gear to grow fruit and vegetables legitimately indoors and under lights was very expensive and because it was not viable, the equipment was predominantly sold to grow drugs.

Police did not name the garden centre chain involved pending court hearings.

6. Apologies to those Malvern bloggers upset that I teased them over the quality of their work and their impending get together at next week’s show. Mark Diacono set up a free for all at his Otter Farm website with all garden bloggers agreeing that they disagree with me.

It was wrong to knock the garden bloggers.

I can understand the professional writers joining in too - they are simply looking after their clients.

One question did eventually arise, from Charles Hawes. Should garden bloggers care if they write anything interesting?

7. There are 3,760,000 garden bloggers operating worldwide.

8. I’m pleased to say my story about allotment waiting lists extending further has made the press showing the allotment boom continues. Wyevale garden centres rang me about this, no doubt thinking of their allotment building plans, and I reassured them the 20 per cent increase in waiting lists was all true.

9. And also the Chelsea Flower Show story on plants being late to flower. The Standard and Mail were also keen on this one. David Domoney's £15m diamond garden will be next.

patientgardener, Mark Diacono, Arabella Sock, Lia Leendertz, Fluffymuppet, Gilly in Ariège, Esther Montgomery, Lickedspoon, bloomingwriter,  Veg Plotting, An Artist’s Garden, James Todman, Lila Das Gupta, green seeds, The Garden Monkey, Claire Potter, Plantpassion, Simon Chapman, The Constant Gardener and Mr. McGregor's Daughter) Dan Stevens-Autocar news editor who is taking over Staverton Bridge Nursery.

11..  HENDRICK’S GINERAL ELECTION
An extraordinary new polling device brings new yardstick to
measuring party politics

The Hendrick’s Gineral Election is a wonderfully unusual examination of party politics through the refined judgment of the humble cucumber.
 
As any amateur horticulturalist can testify, plants respond to exciting words of intellectual enlightenment and forthright inspiration with healthy growth spurts.  Over the course of the UK general election campaign, the policies of the main political parties will be subjected to daily scrutiny as the highly absorbent, water-packed Cucumus Sativus contemplates briefings from the party manifestos.
 
After each reading on a particular area of ministerial departmental control, the plants will be allowed to digest the words for a 24 hour period before having their length and girth at their widest point recorded, thus indicating the most popular policy!
 
Unfortunately, as cucumbers can’t talk, resident Cucumber Sativus Analyst Simon Evans, will translate the growth spurts (or lack of) from the glass halls of the terrariums into a language better understood by the common voter – English – and post them on www.gineralelection.com <http://www.gineralelection.com>  for all to view.  
 
Each day Simon will also present the best of people’s policies (entered on the gineralelection.com site) to a fourth discerning cucumber that will measure the British publics thoughts.
 
As a highly scientific experiment conducted in a strict controlled environment, all measurements are carried out using specially adapted calipers under the watchful eye of Vito Colletti, head of the British Cucumber Cultivation Society.
 

You can also follow it on twitter- http://twitter.com/HendricksginUK

Jamie Oliver says ‘stop being a vegan and start enjoying what you eat.’ His Jamie-branded penne Sainsbury pasta costs £1.64 for 500g. Sainsbury basic penne costs about 40p. So he’s not just exploiting animals then, in my opinion. See this in the papers soon if the consumer editors are reading.

1. Bloggers are to meet at RHS Malvern Show press office tell me. Who are these people? What are they going to say? Expect a torrent of back-slapping boringness. Get a real job. Needless to say, I was not invited. Have these people no idea about anything?

The story is: Fifty of the world’s most dull garden bloggers are going to Malvern (6-9 May) to write thousands of words. A conversation between regular bloggers, Michelle Chapman (aka VP of Veg Plotting) and Helen Johnstone (Patient Gardener), following a visit to the 2009 show, led to a January launch of an idea which has captured the imagination of the semi-literate all over Britain, and as far afield as Ireland, Poland, America and The Netherlands. See www.malvernmeet.blogspot.com

2. I was interested to see Ryan’s Dobbies garden centre blog from RHS Cardiff Flower Show. He said the choice of the winning show garden was a close run thing. It wasn’t, I heard from someone important. Expect more of the same type of thing from Malvern bloggers. Met Gaynor Witchard there who won the best show garden prize and is this week's unprompted MA blog fan.

3. Lookalikes. Gabbled round RHS Cardiff after Stephen Bennett bought me a coffee. Does Stephen Bennett look like Simon Cowell? Saw no other garden writers there. Maybe they were auditioning for Britain's Got Talent. Though Jean Vernon did write a piece on new plants at the show for RHS.

 

4. More look-alikes. Dan Pearson Nick Drake

 Peter Seabrook Steve DavisBoth from Essex

5. My nearest garden celeb is Andrew Fisher Tomlin, who lives five streets down. Who is yours? The Chelsea garden judge moving office to Chobham, the hotspot for garden designers at the mo. AFT was on his way to do an Evening Standard Homes & Property open evening. Another low-key star spot this week was Gary Waldhorn on Fulham Palace Road. And Tottenham Hotspur FC's Ossie Ardiles at Europlants open day.
 
6. Toby Buckland has appropriated Dan Pearson's gilet on Gardener's World. TB has ditched his anorak. TB dodged an interview with me about his new BBC book recently (who wouldn't). Seems the RHS, which has to pay for itself, is ok about being answerable to the media but the BBC, which you and I pay for, is not.

7. Acting RHS DG Gordon Seabright says new the RHS director general will be announced post-Chelsea. Stephen Bennett says it will be at the show. Can you think of a caption for this pic-maybe something to do with 'RHS bigwigs meet new DG?'
 
8. I wrote the definitive piece on allotment waiting lists last week. It has become an allotment tale of woe. Sent it out. No-one interested, except The Sun ran a NIB. Think this proves allotment boom is over.

9. The RHS beat green terrorists and volcanoes and weather to get record numbers for Cardiff. The Green Party and cyclists blocked the entrance stopping the likes of Derek Jarman form getting in with his van. The police stood back, batons raised but the serene RHS said you can fire up the brazier for 30 mins then naff off. The protesters did.

I’ve come out in favour of the Greens because they want a ‘living wage’, ‘a million new jobs’ and to ‘protect our NHS’. It’s these points of difference that sets them apart form mainstream political parties.

10. RHS Hyde Hall is hosting a new flower show this August at the same time as Shrewsbury Flower Show. The RHS once held shows, like Cardiff, helped by councils at Bournemouth and Torquay. Perhaps the time has passed for these when they have lovely gardens to have events at.
 

11. Get this below from Franchi Seeds. A very similar press release won the Garden Media Guild news award 2009 for a cut and paste job in Garden News of the PR concerned. I know I have mentioned this before, and I like the two judges (Cox and Gourlay) involved, but what were they thinking? Press releases are not the best news stories of the year. So my guide to garden news writing-cut and paste this and send the printed version to GMG. You win £250. Money for old rope. It would be fine if the author talked to Michelle Obama about gardening or visted the White House allotment. I can think of someone who asked Sarah Brown about gardening in her 10 Downing St garden last year, so it's not impossible.

“With the current no flight ban still in place, the Royal Navy being mobilised to pick up stranded travellers and the uncertainty as to when things will return to normal, we would strongly urge people to start planting vegetables NOW either for the first time or to increase the amount they have planted reminiscent of Digging for Victory during WWII.

Whilst this may seem alarmist to some, the volcano has highlighted a vunerability and fresh food supplies have been grounded overseas for almost a week already and this will lead to shortages in our shops.

It seems obvious to us that food security is paramount here and whilst we are not discouraging trade of course, we should have a back up for both fresh food and also many seed varieties which come from outside Europe.

Franchi seeds of Italy 1783 are not affected because we are seed producers and a truck with seeds arrives to us normally within 3 days. Our varieties are regional Italian varieties, many of which are alpine and therefore hardier than some British or overseas imports in a UK climate.

We have added to our website on our ‘Easy to Grow’ page packages for £10 which customers without experience can purchase and these packets are written in plain English with no jargon on them. We need to start planting in more green spaces and we site our G20 letter stating this last year asking governments to put aside more space, public spaces, office spaces etc for growing veg and to make it public policy and we attach a copy of the award winning article from Carol Warters as an overview of our campaign which has much more relevance today.

We look forward to hearing back from you and are committed to producing our seeds locally, without the need to fly them around, so we can ensure food supplies to the home grower through responsibly sourced seed.

For more information contact Paolo on 0208 427 5020 or by email to grow@italianingredients.com

Paolo Arrigo

Compare these two below...
To: hortweek@haymarket.com
Cc: grow@italianingredients.com; ital.seeds@virgin.net
Subject: get the world growing again- Seeds of Italy G20 summit

'Get the world growing again'

Seeds of Italy recognise the importance of the G20 summit and have sent vegetable seeds to every  head of state

attending this important global event.

we have also sent letter to each  head of government of the most powerful men and women in the  world which includes Presidents, Prime ministers and a king asking them to encourage schools, factories, offices, homes, hospitals and public offices to ‘grow their  own’ in a small plot, pots and containers or baskets, on rooftops, balconies and open spaces and to plant fruit trees.

Children that grow vegetables, eat vegetables, and should  grow their own at school so as to experience nature first hand,  to keep them healthy with regular exercise, to save food miles (we produce the majority of our own seed rather than buying it in), to appreciate  food, to take ownership and responsibility of the worlds resources.

Seeds still germinate during a crisis and we all need to eat, but an increase in domestic vegetable production and a shift change in government policy is needed to safeguard the future of our children. No part of growing vegetables is bad - the produce is good for you, the plants are good for the environment and compost down.

To all the leaders on the planet earth we say ‘what you sow, you reap’

http://www.seedsofitaly.com/

07980580329

Franchi Seeds of Italy 1783

See how many times I mention Alys Fowler in this post.  Latest blog fans-Danny Adamson, James Alexander-Sinclair (again).

1. See how many times you read about supply and demand in the next week. It will be hundreds. Anyone wanting to say anything about the economy always uses the phrase as the reason why anything happens.

2. Ian Botham is doing another leukaemia walk. I remember going on his first in 1983 and meeting Linda Lusardi and Brian Close. I once interviewed Botham at Hampton Court Flower Show on why Kevin Pietersen is a poor cricket captain. Was the same reason Botham was - too good a player. See New Zealand Cricket Captains for more on this. We won our work pub quiz the other day and as a prize chose the charity to receive the entrance fees. I chose Shac. There were complaints-about anti-animal cruelty. So I chose Buav instead. Not good enough I’m told. So Greenfingers it is-gardens for children’s hospices-uncontroversial.

3. Alys feedback: “Blogger Penny Golightly says: "While there are many great pictures in The Edible Garden, I did find that there were a few too many of Alys looking cute among out-of-focus foliage. I would really have liked to have seen an illustration of every type of plant mentioned in the book instead, as that’s of more use to me. I also spotted a fair few typos in the book, such as ‘chicken coup’ instead of ‘chicken coop’ and so on. I do hope the chickens aren’t free range radicals plotting revolution round the back of the shed, and fingers crossed these mistakes get weeded out of the next edition."

John-Paul Andrew Flintoff in The Times was bowled over by AF in this, but missed out AF’s four year stint at HW. Was that important? AF told JPAF she reads blogs about her.

Liz Hamson-The Grocer has a chip on her shoulder: “You didn't watch The Edible Garden (8pm, BBC2, 7 April) because it clashed with the Man U vs Bayern game, don't worry, you didn't miss anything. It was dire. Ever since I found myself surrounded by posh inbreds at university I've had a violent aversion to such types. So my hackles rose as soon as Alys (note the special spelling) Fowler opened her mouth. So posh she can't pronounce her 'r's properly, she perversely insisted on over-using the consonant. At one point she hilariously listed the "fwench beans, wunner beans and bwoad beans" she planned to grow in her mission to avoid shop-bought fruit and veg and live off her own, home-grown produce." Etc.

4. Evening Standard Homes & Property supplement once offered AF a job writing advertorial gardening-she passed on to me. I lasted two years. The Guardian also shortlisted AF as a garden writer. She reached the last three. Lia Leendertz got the job-another ex HW-er.

5. In The AF programme AF was advertising the BBC Dig In free seeds campaign. But it didn’t really chime with her demonstrating using split peas to grow peas: “Cheaper than garden centre peas and they germinate really well”.’ Isn’t point of packet seeds that they germinate better/more consistently than wild ones? I know Dig In is free, but someone is paying the tens of thousands it costs to give seeds out to keen gardeners who go to gardening shows or watch BBC2 gardening programmes.

6. Best AF line: “There’s no faf in this falafel.”

7. Cops swooped on a furniture store after shocked shoppers reported this bizarre case of indecent exposure.

Store owner Jason Hadlow was slapped with a fine of £80 for displaying a 4ft stone penis in his shop window.

A member of the public complained after spotting the offending appendage which was displayed in his shop, Simply Dutch, near Bedale, North Yorkshire.

The firm, which bills itself as "the most interesting store in the North", recently stocked a new range of garden furniture, including the £200 hand-carved sandstone willy.  

8. Is this a candidate for Private Eye’s Pseud’s Corner or is it fair enough?

“I tend to think of it [the garden], terribly modestly, as closer to a concert, a play or an opera... last year a visitor commented that their visit had been more rewarding than their evening at Glyndebourne.” It's by Anne Wareham in the Guardian.

9. “I would like to be remembered as someone who made a difference, not the posh boy who once did that reality show.” Number two I’d guess Ben Fogle.

10. Annie Lennox works as a landscape architect at Whitelaw Turkington.

11. Are these trees the same in each pic? Not .

12. Blind items: Which national newspaper gardening editor has fallen out with which pompous garden writer? And who is pretending to be a gardening magazine consultant?

13. Off to RHS Cardiff show Friday. Will look in Plaid Cymru’s manifesto on horticulture.

Latest celeb blog fans (who got in touch to say they read it). Dr Hessayon. Harry Wallop. You may have seen my Easter opening garden centre story in the papers last weekend. Needless to say it has backfired with no word from Wyevale since and the Mail running it on Friday and Times and Telegraph on Saturday.

1. West Kent Hunt a funny radio thing I got sent by a gardening writer.

2. From Mark Hotton in New Zealand about otters

3. The most viewed story at Daily Telegraph gardening last week-by me though not bylined. DT gardening fired me last month. Add that one up.

4. At garden centres all over Britain, potato-growing kits are being snapped up by families eager to experience the taste of their own fresh spuds.

But the big mystery is: how many potatoes can you get from one grow-sack?

The Mail on Sunday has asked seven very different personalities - from politician Vince Cable and Radio 4 inquisitor John Humphrys to television celebrities Natalie Pinkham and Anthea Turner - to take up our Great Potato Challenge to find the answer.

Best comments: “No doubt Anthea's charity choice will be herself "- Maxine, Brighton, West Sussex

"Go away Anthea"- Paris Lonhern, Kent UK

5. Is there a North-South divide in flowers?

An event this Saturday 10 April, at the Garden Museum in London highlights the northern tradition of precision technical growing of rows of blousy blooms grown for horticulture shows, rather than the more southern tradition of actually growing in context to create a garden.

The Lambeth-based museum’s patron Lady Salisbury has persuaded the Harrogate-based National Dianthus Society to leave North Yorkshire and visit the big smoke for the first time to mark its 60th anniversary.

Museum head of horticulture Anne Jennings says there is still a connection to the days when working class men in industries such as mining, steel works, shipping and the Mills in Yorkshire, Lancashire and the North East could find escape from the harsh worlds in which they worked and often grew vegetables for show – but also exquisite flowers that ranged from traditional ‘florists flowers’ to blousy chrysanths and dahlias. These men would grow with precision in a very technical way with  - as a huge generalisation – little interest in creating beautiful gardens, but instead lining out plants in rows in vegetable garden style so that the best blooms could be tended and nurtured for show.

Most famous of course is the continuing tradition of the tulip shows in Wakefield where the flowers are displayed in beer bottles, but certainly dianthus growers fall under the same category of growers and showers.

With Alys Fowler’s new BBC programme The Edible Garden showing growing of veg mixed in the borders and forest gardening set to be big this year, the trend is away from formal show growing and towards integrated gardens. But do Northerners care about trends? No they bloody well don’t.

So, do southerners and northerners grow flowers differently?

I sent this to the Guardian for their Friday gardening slot but no reply. Wonder what's up...

 

6. Alan Titchmarsh in Times last week: “Kids feel a great pressure to conform. But just because your best mate’s chosen accountancy, it doesn’t follow that the same profession is right for you. Just because they’re married at 25 and you’re still single at 28, doesn’t mean you’re a pariah. Few of us are at ease in social situations. My strategy is to accept a glass of whatever and pass purposefully though the throng as if I know exactly what I’m doing, smiling and catching eyes as I go. It’s rare that someone won’t smile back. And when they do, take the opportunity to start that all important first conversation."

7. Ian Cheshire, boss of B&Q's owner, Kingfisher, reports a new attraction in its stores around the country: the life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Alan Titchmarsh whom it recently signed up to advertise its wares. Many customers have been posing for photos with the cut-outs, while others have demanded to know why B&Q hasn't actually got round to selling them.

8. Southampton FC beat Carlisle Utd FC in the recent Johnstone’s Paint trophy final at Wembley. Saints manager Alan Pardew is a keen gardener and was once spotted at the London Olympia Urban Gardens show. Carlisle lost 4-1.

9. Geffrye Museum has A Garden Within Doors: Plants and Flowers in The Home on until 25 July. I used to be an art critic but I will spare you. Not been to Garden Museum's must see Christopher Lloyd exhibition yet but I will when the speakers (Stephen Anderton, Anna Pavord etc) are on.

10. Caerhays Castle in Cornwall is to be a polling station. Are there any garden centre polling stations?

Try this easy to do poll to see who you should vote…Gavin McEwan came out as UKIP.