1. Back from Chelsea. Met Jimmy Choo and Matthew Williamson at Tourism Malaysia launch at Royal Hospital. MW v white teeth. JC-pointy three-hole black shiny lace ups. Not too flashy. Malaysia garden designer James Wong was lovely. Jekka McVicar was involved too. She's been over the Malaysia. There was some confusion between Jekka and Gertrude Jekyll. She laughed at this but said I had a "sharp pen".

3. AT on BBC Chelsea coverage. Joe Swift: “You’ll see lots of stars here etc…including Alan!” AT: Not so much a star, more of a twinkle.” Amongst the no stone left unturned clichés-“Most prestigious…horticulture celeb…” Is it the same script every year? Great for the industry though.

4. Chelsea understandably doesn’t let kids in-too crowded. But GW researcher Claire Savage said she used to go as a child. Alys is in Italy on a gardening tour btw.

5. Daily Telegraph newsdesk called me re Andy Sturgeon, winner of Chelsea best show garden for his DT sponsored garden the other day. They ran this.

6. Readers Digest debut. A page on garden centres insider guide. Quite funny. Funnier than kids do the funniest things anyway. April edition, 1,001 things everyone should know, written by Linda Gray with my help…stuff like ‘I love the tea and pee crowd’, find a crusty-looking worker if you want advice, look out for labels in Dutch etc...

7. In The Sun this week too with romps in gardens piece, which we changed into the more businessy gardening spend tops £100 a year. Sun used the words romps, randy, frisky, ogled etc. Good tabloid fodder.

8. Expect this in papers over the weekend. Maybe. It's about the big 'debate' question at Chelsea.

10. Chelsea Flower Show was better than 2009 (the accepted view). Lots more golds, 12 against 3 in gardens. But can anyone ever say anything critical on the TV coverage? Can you say that a garden or plants is not the best? Or not be best of pals at all times with everyone? I note that the big issue raging with garden bloggers is about the gnomes question-the garden writing equivalent of local newspaper stories on dogshit.

11. Quite a few Chelsea gardeners wanted time-lapse filming. But none could afford the £10,000 bill.

12. Feedback from Garden Retail top 100 has been good. It’s aimed at being a talking point. Had messages from Andy Bunker, Nicholas Marshall, Dennis Espley, Gez Smith, Guy Moreton, John Connel, Jeff Morey (who wants to use idea for his US mag Nursery Retailer), Paul Wright, Ken Cox, Neville Stein, Mike Gilbert, David Arnold, Simon Chapman etc. Hope I didn’t miss anyone out. Like chair of Choice Marketing, or put anyone too low.

14. Duty log: 

“We went up to Glebe Cottage the other day. Lovely garden but she wouldn't let me use the loo…”

“My mum says John Terry complained to the retirement home next door where she lives and they had to take down two huge trees cos he said the roots were disturbing his garden!”

Particularly proud to still be the most viewed writer on the Daily Telegraph gardening website over the last year, including in the last month through their borrowing of my stories, even though they no longer employ me since that ignominious end in March. Glad to be part of their winning team at Chelsea!

Went to Chelsea Flower Show a few times over the last week. GYO out, biodiveristy in etc. It's all in the mag and online here. Off there again on Wednesday to see James Wong. Went to Petersham's Nurseries Murano glass after show party on Monday at Dover St market. Star guest was Jasper Conran. Short but pumped with aviators on inside.

1. Photographed Mark Gregory and Adam Frost in their trunks in their Children's Society garden plunge pool.

3. One or two garden hacks said only the younger designers would talk to the press. Is this an issue? Andy Sturgeon's Telegraph PR said he couldn't talk to one journalist for instance. Happily, everyone I wanted a quote from gave me one.

4. Talked to James Wong (plants hit by heat), Tom Stuart-Smith (he said Andy Sturgeon would win-Sturgeon was getting told off for not wearing his badge at the door), Ian Drummond (hot plants) Steve Dowbiggin (Capel Manor/John Woods garden being seen by Queen when it moves to the college), John Lord (John Woods plants not being allowed to be in best plant competition because were on David Domoney's garden at Ideal Home Show last month). And loads of others. Always a temptation just to talk to fellow writers at the events, which is nice but distracting. Fortunately most give me a wide berth.

5. Saw my allotment story (20 per cent more on waiting list) across all the papers on Sat. This was the same one they rejected several weeks ago. They waited for PR to come out. Telegraph ran it first time round-well done Harry Wallop.

6. Also saw Hessayon books being dropped by B&Q and replaced by Titchmarsh's similar titles story in Mail on Sunday. Mail rejected a few weeks ago. Umm.

7. Happy with the Chelsea stories we've got in to national consumer media. Some papers' previews were just our stories (cold Chelsea, Domoney diamonds, artificial turf, Jamie Oliver outdoor kitchen, hot Chelsea) strung together. RHS press office should employ us. Only one that we didn't do was Chelsea tickets selling for £200 on ebay-that was Marc Rosenberg.

8. A big story that will come up soon-gardeners killing animals. Not very biodiverse.

9. 150 toilets making gravel for Jamie Dunstan's Go Modern Urban garden-a story that could still leave me flushed with success. Will Lily Allen turn up to launch her, er, Lily. HW Hyde were hoping. She didn't. best celebs-Jamie Oliver and Stephen Hawking. Also Bill Bailey and the Queen. RHS press tent says no heavy petting on lists of what not to do. Best freebie a Nong Nooch botanic garden T shirt, Jekka McVicar herbs, that's about it. LK Bennett bag a couple of years ago. RHS press officers being suspiciously nice to me. At Chelsea lunch on Monday wa son table of BBC producers and Alan Titchmarsh's agent. Maybe RHS think I should audition. Talking of auditions, we've made it onto Eggheads-Martyn Cox, Gavin McEwan, Kris Collins and Jack Shamash.

10. Saw Val Elliott for Times-she said 50 hacks being made redundant.

11. Talked to Dougal Philip (shows advisory committee chair) and Lesley Watson from Scottish TV's Beechgrove Garden. They are showing a garden at Gardening Scotland in 10 days. I'll be up there. Another moving from Chelsea to Gardening Scotland is Amber Goudy's Scottish Agricultural College's Strutt and Parker Sustainable Highland Garden.

12. Was at Garden Show Ireland last Friday at Hillsborough Castle. Met up with Gardener's Question Time panel, Bunny Guinness, Chris Beardshaw, Bob Flowerdew and Eric Rosob, who were all really nice. Made me realise there's more to life than Chelsea and that garden criticism doesn't have much of a place at most shows and gardens.

Finally, the boy can walk.

RHS Chelsea Flower Show Special (the first of a few maybe). The RHS aren't having a pre-event drinks thing for hacks and exhibitors this year (unless I've not been invited!). This may annoy thirstier scribes. Last year's was at Jo Malone's. Before that it was at Bluebird and before that, Chelsea Physic Garden (in case you can't remember!).

I am going to Chelsea president's lunch though. What is correct procedure if a disgruntled hack who has been mildly teased in this column (or compared looks-wise to a celebrity, maybe from Broadway) pours a drink on your head?

Do you a. pour one back on them? b. Lash out? c. Remain demure? d. Cry? e. Say 'It's over, move on!' f. call security. g. Other.

Answers below please.

Anyway, here is a nice pic of the boy at the allotment. Speaking at Chelsea this week, Andrew Fisher-Tomlin said he gave up his at Wimbledon (plot not child)  when he found a boat buried on it.

1. Is Chelsea gonna be a green or colourful show? AFT says green. I agree. 

23 April Horticulture Week

RHS shows director Stephen Bennett said: "It has been a very severe late spring for growers. But I like late spring because it means very fresh-looking spring shows. I predict Chelsea will be a fresh green-looking show, less blousy and colourful than usual."

17 May Daily Telegraph: RHS shows director Stephen Bennet (sic): “It has been a very severe late spring for growers. But I like late spring because it means very fresh-looking spring shows. I predict Chelsea will be a fresh green-looking show, less blowsy (sic) and colourful than usual."

18 May: RHS PR to me: It will be colourful. RHS exhibitors. It will be green.

This year:

Tom Stuart-Smith evens

Philippa Pearson 16/1

10 funny/most embarrassing Chelsea Flower Show moments:

#Me being mistaken for Matthew Biggs

#Diarmuid Gavin falling out with Bunny Guinness

#Diarmuid Gavin falling out with Andy Sturgeon

#Ringo Starr announcing he won’t sign autographs because people just sell them on Ebay. The bloke opening a bagful of Beatles pictures looked very red.

#Not winning Garden Media Guild prize for best news story of 2009-about Chelsea hit by recession.

#Professor Steve Jones at Chelsea Flower Show lunch banging on about Darwin, saying the originator of the species-er used to write for Gardeners Chronicle, which is ‘now defunct probably’. Garden Centre Group’s Nicholas Marshall encouraged me to tell Jones afterwards that GChron is now Horticulture Week. I did. Jones grunted and turned away. Professors don’t like being told they’re wrong. Looking forward to meeting Prof Stephen Hawking this year.Our quiz team is called Stephen Hawking's Football Boots.

#Accidents (in a Laurel and Hardy way) Steam explosion at Chelsea a few years ago. No one hurt.

#Taking a group of European trade journalists round the show late on Saturday last year. They weren’t that impressed when I pointed out Ricky Gervais. Maybe he doesn’t translate. They were more worried that the RHS wouldn’t let me have any of the hundreds of guidebooks they were throwing away as the show drew to a close.

#Me to Gill Tierney-BBC gardening exec producer at CFS lunch: ‘Why aren’t there more gardening programmes on TV’. GT-‘They take a long time to make.’

Lookalikes.

1. Here’s a pic an associate sent me of the Malvern bloggers meet. I feel I may be being set up here. Bloggers may meet at Hampton Court and other shows.

2. I couldn’t go to Malvern unfortunately. The RHS could not guarantee my safety after I received a death threat from an angry garden blogger (really), who took offence at comment I made recently suggesting garden bloggers may not have a lot to say.

3. In fact, I was always going to go to Holker in Cumbria to see that garden. My colleague Jack Sidders ably covered Malvern.

4. Kung fu expert Martyn Cox said he will be my bodyguard at Chelsea Flower Show. Cox, Gavin McEwan, Jack Shamash. Jez Abbott and Kris Collins (away interviewing Bob Flowerdew, who apparently conditions his hair with sperm-his own I'm told) are part of a Horticulture Week team that auditioned for BBC quiz Eggheads this week. They asked me what I would take to a desert island to see if I could banter on telly. I said if there was a palm tree I’d take a rope to hang myself. That’s us failed the audition then.

 

5. Failed Luton MP wannabe, That’s Life’s Esther Rantzen has been writing a blog. "We finished the tour with strong cups of tea  in Luton Hoo hotel, admiring the brilliance of the August herbaceous borders. Another contrast, another world. But where once the Queen and Philip had their honeymoon, Lutonians now filled every armchair and sofa, sitting beneath vast tapestries and high windows, enjoying a mammoth tea."

7. Up and coming TV chef Johnnie Mountain rang me the other day to say he’s doing a programme with Christine Walkden. Free Rangers will be a BBC programme. You heard it here first. I suggested Garsons or Secretts as pick your own places to film at. Unusual to get a call from the star rather than researcher.

8. Alys Fowler’s Edible Garden programme is cult viewing. But I wish she wouldn’t go on about jams, soups, cheeses and breads. These words are all used the same as their singular form when there is more than one. I don’t like the phrases 'winter suppers' or 'winter months' either.

9. My colleague Magda Ibrahim moved to another Haymarket magazine this week. She told me Chris Young at RHS The Garden had been trying to headhunt her. Is this true?

10. All Black Justin Marshall has announced his retirement from rugby. I used to rewrite his column for the Christchurch Star. He’s a lot more fluent now when he’s on TV.

11. My colleague Jack Sidders broke the news of Caroline Spelman’s appointment at Defra this week, a bit of a coup for us. The Independent re-tweeted this. I spoke to Lord Heseltine about future green policy post-election. No coups from me though. I'm not exactly Paxman.

12. There was a Garden Media Guild meeting last week. I hear they are revising the winner of the news award from last year. Expecting the £250 prize in the post soon. Anne Wareham agrees on this one.

13. Passed RHS exams with a commendation the other day. Got 43.5. Don’t know what out of. I think 44. Others may suggest 100, or even 1000.

14. RB Sheridan: “Won’t you come into my garden I would like my roses to see you,” says Stephen Fry on QI.

15. Brian Strong-former head of parks, palaces and central services Directorate of Ancient Monuments and Historic Buildings [Department of the Environment] (DAMHB) said Seb Coe was once banned from running round Richmond Park for going too slow. His father and coach Peter followed in a car and blocked the traffic. Peter complained to the Royal Parks saying his son was running at 20mph. RP looked up the world record for 10,000m and found Seb said he was going faster than that pace. Ban stayed in place. Eggheads question-who was Falmouth MP 1994-97? Answer: Coe. I got this one right. I got wrong what does the 'c' stand for in scuba. Answers below if you want.

16. Coe story reminds me of playing tennis in Hammersmith at Brook Green courts. Warden comes to collect cash. Everyone says they don’t have any. Warden kicks them off. Wardens job: stop people playing tennis. No wonder Andy Murray etc. Once talked to Tony Hawks about this. He runs Tennis for Free campaign and coaches tennis near me.

17. Ed Stafford, the first man to walk the entire length of the Amazon River to raise awareness of climate change, is looking for a journalist to cover the last few weeks of his extraordinary journey. The 34-year-old from Leicester started his trek in April 2008 and is expected to finish in August this year. The ideal candidate will be an intrepid writer, with broadsheet or tabloid feature experience, who can secure a commission (and funds) to join Ed and share his day-to-day experiences. The trip will take place in August. For more information you can email Vikki Rimmer. Ed’s website . Vikki Rimmer is also PR to Tom Hart ***.

18.  This piece on volcanic dust and gardening said ash could be good for plots. Could be-but won’t be.

"Colin Dale, a horticulturalist at Notcutts garden centre, said ash is a good source of nutrients and repellent to pests. Professor Jon Davidson, of Durham University, said fertile areas like Indonesia have benefited from ash in the past.  But he added: "At the moment the amount of ash in the UK is so minimal I cannot see it being an issue," he said."

19. Was walking down the street the other afternoon pushing the boy when a be-wigged woman in her garden asked me if I had a strong grip. I said I’d have a go. She brought out a bottle of Pina Colada and I unscrewed lid off. ‘Was it difficult?’ she asked. ‘No’, I lied. ‘Now I can have a drink’, she said, and went inside.

20. I was down the allotment the other day. Nothing much happened. The only person there was in a digger, excavating an overgrown plot. The boy whined after a bit so I hoed one-handed with him in the other. The asparagus and onions are doing ok. And the potatoes and fruit bushes and fruit trees. Picked some asparagus and leeks. The boy ate soil. I will eat asparagus. It’s easy to grow. You get a ‘crown’ and bury it. Then you wait two years and cut off the ‘stalks’ and cook them and then eat them.

21. Monty Don won a Periodical Publications Association best columnist award in 2009 for Gardeners’ World columns. I went to a PPA event recently. There were several Smash Hits people there including PPA boss Barry McIlheney and Mark Ellen, as well as Eric Verdon Roe. McIlheney’s career has included editing Smash Hits from 1986 to 1989, founding lads' mag Zoo and launching Empire and Heat. Charles Reed is chairman.